Still Struggling!

Here I am what a year later and still...nothing. I can follow a conversation...a very slow conversation...spoken in a dialect and accent that I am familiar with. I know I am not the first nor will I be the last to struggle over learning a new language,but I certainly believe my progress is the slowest in history!
But this too I shall overcome!!!
After all is that not what life is, but a series of struggles and obstacles for us to overcome and then revel in sweet VICTORY? 
This was my choice to become part of this vibrant and lively culture to learn and live ,speak and eat,and feel as they do. So vamenos!

Personal Space

There is a scene in one of my husband's favorite movies, where the young daughter of a Mexican woman uses a very common American phrase " not right now I just need some space". Her mother's response? She gets right in her child's face and tells her in a thick Spanish accent " there is no a space between us."
 The concept of "personal space" is one that seems perfectly normal to me, having grown up here in the states,but when I saw that scene I began to think about just how that concept is truly an American way of thinking.
Imagine living not only with your immediate family in an apartment or small house, but then add  an or two aunts and some uncles, a few cousins,perhaps a grandmother; and suddenly you do not have much space at all..let alone "personal space".
Being alone is really not an option...I can appreciate the differences, and I can see why it sparked fear in the young girls' mother, seeing and hearing her daughter's assimilation into a foreign culture that was so different from her own; and the one she was  so desperate to pass on to her child.
I can see it and appreciate it, but sometimes...I just NEED to say " not right now, I just need  some space".And I am perfectly fine with the fact that it is a very Gringa thing to say!   

Social Profiling.

Being married to a Latino for nearly fifteen years, has opened my eyes,and changed my thinking in ways one would never imagine; but still there are some things that you can be told about, and have explained to you, that you can not really get,or truly understand,that is, until it happens to you..
 The other night I went with a friend for dinner at a local Italian restaurant, just two Moms needing to get away.Wanting to treat my dear friend I left my credit card with the hostess,with instructions of charging the bill to my card. Seems simple enough..mmm..apparently not.
 My first clue should have been how our waiter tried (not so discreetly )to identify the owner of the card.  How so? When he came to our table to take our drink order , as he was leaving he tried asking my friend something, neither one of us knew what, so being silly I told her he was hitting on her, because she is a beautiful...wait for the eye opener...Latina.She of course laughed it off, until time after time when our social pro-filer IE: our waiter , would come to our table trying to engage her in obscure, and in my opinion unprofessional conversations,and upon reflection I would say he was trying to detect an accent .I knew something was off, I just could not put my finger on it....until (dramatic pause) he came to give us the bill.As he approached our table holding unbeknownst to him MY credit card with an obvious Spanish surname on it....he began to hand it to, well..the woman who "looked " like the one that name would belong to...and that definitely was not me!  I quickly snatched it out of my dear friends hand before all of my careful and brilliant plans of treating her to dinner went up in smoke.As I snatched the billfold out of her hands proclaiming to be the owner of the card and there-by the owner of the name I saw a brief, but apparent flicker of confusion in the man's eyes .
After saying my goodbyes, I sat in my car and reflected on the fact that what had happened was only what my husband and millions of other "minority" people go through on a regular basis...I had been socially profiled...
My husband, of course,got a kick out of it! Not in a vindictive "good how does it feel" kind of way, but more in a.."now you can see what I go through, and why I have to be more assertive and advocate for myself" kind of way.Because what they say is really true , " god forbid you ever have to walk a mile in his shoes,because then you really might know what it's like..."  to be socially profiled. 

She's Got The Looks

She identifies with her Latin heritage easier than the heritage of her mother , and why not  she has the dark hair and eyes, beautiful sun-kissed skin the color of canela, yes a real Latin beauty. Little did she realize until recently that her looks will get her in easier, but it will be her tongue and her attitude that will determine if she will stay and be accepted. Is looking the part enough?
While doing some volunteer work in the Latin community my daughter felt very confident and excited , after all she looks like them so she should be fine and blend right in.Or so she thought, first that pesky language barrier who would have thought that learning Spanish and speaking it fluently, could cause a sense of confusion ? Hmmmmm the story of Babel comes to mind.... Then there was the culture shock...growing up with an" American Prude" as a mother has handicapped  her ability to understand that we have our way of doing things and others have their way and neither way  is better.... just different.Her shock and confusion must have been plastered on her face because then she noticed that they were pointing at her and laughing ...not cruelly but because well my little Latina deny it as she may has a bit more gringa in her than shed like to admit. It was a good lesson though and perhaps it will convince her that mommy really does know what's best, and she'll remember" when you learn a language, you learn a new way of thinking" and understanding the culture will soon follow.

Strength

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stregnth

I believe we all have an inner stregnth that sometimes we may not even be aware of, while others, find their stregnth through those around them,friends , family, sometimes even through strangers. My observation has been that latina woman have what appears to me to be an infinite amount of stregnth, no matter the challenge, they seem to be able to raise to the occasion and face it straight on.Myself, well I am one of those who look to others for my stregnth. Fortunately for me, I have been wise enough to surround myself with such strong women.

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Confidence

A few weeks ago I went into the city (Philadelphia) with two of my friends to visit another friend,who sadly was in the hospital ; so the three of us are walking down the street, then all of a sudden we are being pelted with "wolf whistles" one after the other. My two beautiful latina friends' response was "of course we are beautiful". Whereas myself I felt self- conscience, perhaps even a bit self- indignant, how dare they whistle at me how dare they look at me.
Whereas with them it seemed as though they were completely uneffected.They just seem to ooze confidence in who and what they are. They are beautiful without being showy and if a random man acknowledges that beauty, it is on him and it is to be completely expected. I at some point lost that confidence either with age or just through life ; whichever is the case it is very much diminished. Being with these women makes me long to reclaim that lost confidence.

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